I didn’t get all the Gay Genes but I Got the Fashion One

I’m gay. I grew up in a small northern town. It’s pretty obvious that I encountered a lot of stereotypes and people making assumptions about me because of my sexuality.

 I am aware that there’s certain stereotypes about being a gay man I conform to. I have artistic hobbies, I like to dress well and there’s definitely some songs on my iPod that are considered ‘gay anthems’. I’m not afraid of being gay and I don’t mind who knows it but my interests and hobbies have absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality.

Even before I’d actually figured out that I was gay a lot of my class mates were convinced that they knew my sexuality better than I did. For example the fact that I was good at Textiles was 100% solid evidence that I must be attracted to men. People were telling me this about two years before I even started to figure out for myself that I was gay!

There was also a phase where I listened to songs from Glee a lot – about one/two years before I came out to my classmates. The music I listened to had absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality but apparently that was solid evidence that I must be gay. Though in reality the only relation between Glee and my sexuality was that the character Sebastian Smythe (played by the love of my life Grant Gustin!) was my role model because he was gay, unapologetic about it and yet never let it define him. Side note, representation in the media is so important it would be a lot easier to be a gay teen if there were more characters who were unapologetic about their sexuality and yet never defined by it.

That’s just a couple of examples of the assumptions people made about me but there were loads more. Even if a comment wasn’t said directly to me I still felt a sense of hurt if someone casually used a homophobic slur. I definitely feel like being gay and going through the school system in a small Northern town meant that I had to get a thick shell to let comments just roll off me and had to emotionally mature faster than most of my school mates.

When I did feel comfortable enough to start to come out to my peers the first two people I told were my (then) best friends. One of them claimed that she’d always known however I’ve always doubted that. Just the more that I think about it the way she acted around me changed after I came out as if she assumed that I’d start filling the role of the stereotypical ‘gay best friend’ but that’s just not who I am. The more I’ve thought about it the more I think that she felt betrayed that I hadn’t come out sooner as if being in the closet was a personal attack on her.

Growing up gay for me has not been a completely awful experience. My family have honestly been incredibly supportive and in the eyes of my close family I am still just Alex. So I know I have been luckier than a lot of people but still going through secondary school was really tough for me sometimes.